Why am I lying to myself?

It’s your girl Lisa Nichols here, and I wanna know…do you ever repeat a behavior or get into a similar situation with a different person and say to yourself:

“Why did I do that again?” Or… “How did I get here in this same scenario again?”

I see those hands waving in the air. Mine are waving too, so trust me when I say #YANA (you are not alone)!

So why do we do that?
Why do we lie to ourselves?
Why do we set ourselves up for frustration?
Why are we not working on changing this?
How do we stop lying to ourselves?

When I brought this topic up in a previous video, you guys went wild and wanted to explore this more.

So, for this week’s blog, we’re going to take a deep dive into what it takes to really expose your truth, accept your truth, and stop lying to yourself.

Step #1 – Courage

The first step to exposing and accepting your truth is to have courage and be ready for whatever comes out. You can handle it. Note to self: #ICANHANDLEMYTRUTH. Say it out loud. “I can handle my beautiful truth.” Or “I can handle my messy truth because I keep ending up here again.”

I used to get a stack of mail from Wells Fargo, and I never opened it. Why? Because I knew what it was–a notice of insufficient funds. It was one sheet of paper that said, “Hey Lisa, did you know you did not have enough money in the bank to cover that check you wrote? And by the way, that is going to cost you an extra $35 fee?” I was in denial and didn’t open the mail because I was not accepting the truth and the reality that I didn’t have enough money. I had to accept that truth and realize I was creating this financial situation because I could not blame my bank or get mad at them. So, step one is to have the courage to embrace your truth.

Step #2 – Root to Rise

Once you have the courage to accept your truth, I want you to get rooted in your truth. I want you to root to rise. Go inward as it becomes an internal game. Internal validation vs. external validation. I know that’s easier said than done, especially in this social media polarizing world where everything is screenshotted. Everything is filtered. Everything is videotaped. Everything is posted. Everything has comments on it or receives a thumbs up or thumbs down.

Internal validation is first and foremost, so root and be willing to go inward. As my boy Shawn Smith says, there is a reason why a hurricane will knock down a 20-story building before it uproots a tree…because a building does not have roots, but a tree does. So, take a look at your core belief system. What is your foundation? What brings you joy? How do you define success?  Nobody can define what success looks like to you. Not your mama, not your daddy, not your man, not your woman, not your kids. Not your friends. Not your career. Not the title on your business card or the balance in your bank account. Only you can define what joy and success looks like to you. And guess what?  You get to redefine it whenever you want to. Because what may have looked like success to you in 2018 may not be what success means to you in 2022.

Self-esteem is self-understanding. So, we have to be fluid and flexible and who we are and where we are at any given moment. There are so many opportunities for you to get caught up in external validation that you start lying to yourself. How many times have you thought OMG the world is against me? Or this relationship didn’t work so I must be undateable. Or OMG it is always going to be so hard for me to earn money.

There are a thousand reasons why and a thousand external experiences that can cause you to start lying to yourself. So let me be clear. The truth is never changing. You can get mad because water is wet, but water is still going to be wet. It’s still going to be wet because that’s the truth. It’s just the truth. It’s your birthright to have abundance. That is the truth. You are resilient. That is the truth. Your resiliency is not dependent on circumstances. That is the truth. The human spirit is unbreakable and unshakeable. That is the truth. You might get overwhelmed. You might get frustrated. You might get weary. You have a right to get tired. You might need to sit down. You might need to stop and regroup or restart. That’s okay. But the truth is that abundance is still your birthright. Joy is still your birthright. Your human spirit is still standing up behind you. Whether you’re laying down or sitting down, your human spirit is standing behind you saying, “What are we going to do next when we are done with this?

Remember, this conversation is not a monologue. It’s a delicious dialogue and I wanna hear from you! So please share with me below in the comments what was the biggest lesson you learned? What is the biggest lie you have been telling yourself? What got stirred up within your soul?

This is your home. We are your tribe. And when I say I LOVE you and I BELIEVE in you, it’s for one reason. Not because I have run out of words. It’s because I truly do.

Your Sister in Prosperity and Possibility,

45 replies
  1. Bobbie James
    Bobbie James says:

    Thanks for your encouraging words! Thanks for being a sister in prosperity and creativity! Thanks for allowing me to be a part of this tribe. Thanks for all that you do, Lisa!

    Reply
  2. Tintumol Joseph
    Tintumol Joseph says:

    #icanhandlemytruth Boy did I need this now! YES! Yes! Yes! Thank you Lisa! I have been struggling with my failures and inconveniences in my life and not able to accept it. I was not able to look at myself. But listening to you made me realise it is my truth n I will embrace it. Thank you

    Reply
  3. Pamela Stambaugh
    Pamela Stambaugh says:

    HI Lisa,

    I DO love your posts! Never have popped in before with a comment, which is I echo and believe in what you’re up to, and so proud to be in your Tribe as you are in mine!

    Love,
    Pamela

    p.s. We’re overdue, aren’t we, for a conversation? Looking forward!

    Reply
  4. Ratonda
    Ratonda says:

    Thank you for refreshing kind words of encouragement well delivered and graciously received I to experience the lying to myself I pray it cease and I move forward with all JOYAPPRECIATE U

    Reply
  5. ning Tendo
    ning Tendo says:

    So timely! thank you Lisa. I think courage to hear my truth is what I struggle with. Will start working on the mantra, I have the courage to face my truth!

    Reply
  6. Florida Williams
    Florida Williams says:

    Thank you for the message. The whole message spoke to me. I am 40 years old and I have lived my entire life going in the same circle no matter what kind of relationship it was because I wanted to be accepted and loved. So every time I would get hurt I would always say why me. The weird thing is that I didn’t realize I had this problem until about 1 year ago because of medical issues I’m not working so I have nothing to run to when my feelings get hurt. But anyway Thank you so much Lisa.

    Reply
  7. Morris Jemal
    Morris Jemal says:

    Thanks Lisa my soul sister…
    Great reminder to always know the world is always working for me no matter what is going on around me… to stand guard of my mind and focus on where I am going to and not what I am going through!

    Much Love Always,

    Mo

    Reply
    • Carol
      Carol says:

      I’m always inspired by ur success and once im thru my prodigy with Les I’m coming in ur tribe I just have to complete my first two projects !! Speaking /podcasting for exposure W/luv❤️

      Reply
  8. M Renee
    M Renee says:

    This part, especially the guess what!!… Only you can define what joy and success looks like to you. And guess what? You get to REDEFINE it WHENEVER YOU WANT TO. Thank you, that’s so empowering .

    Reply
  9. Mychal
    Mychal says:

    Gotta love the synchronicity. I was just journaling about lying to myself and being able to accept my truths even if they countered my “ shoulds”
    Thanks for the additional motivation
    Mychal

    Reply
  10. Michelle Klotz
    Michelle Klotz says:

    This is an issue I am dealing with now. I say yes when I don’t want to go. Then my GERDs starts acting up and I need twice the meds to calm it down. A week ago I realized what I was going and I cancelled. I feel better but now I have to get my son to understand.

    Reply
  11. Miss. Happy
    Miss. Happy says:

    This is confirmation that I’m still on the journey of being honest with myself.I still facing down to my core the need to control others, my flaws, imperfections, inside & outside. I’m in actively working to continue improving my spiritual, physical & mental state with clear intention to transform becoming the best version of myself. I’m keeping an open-mind about possibilities of how I can live my life with God’s assistance to my fullest potential. I need to enjoy my own company, be enjoyed respected & appreciated by others, loved, and connect with the man who’s single, available,
    & compatible to me. I can have the love, the life, abundance I desire & totally change the game. Thank you Coach Lisa for more inspiration.

    Reply
  12. Miss. Happy
    Miss. Happy says:

    This is confirmation that I’m still on the journey of being honest with myself. I’m still facing all the way down to my core the need to control others, my flaws, imperfections, inside & outside. I’m in actively working to continue improving my spiritual, physical & mental state with clear intention to transform becoming the best version of myself. I’m keeping an open-mind about possibilities of how I can live my life with God’s assistance to my fullest potential. I need to enjoy my own company, be enjoyed respected & appreciated by others, loved, and connect with the man who’s single, available, & compatible to me. I can have the love, the life, abundance I desire & totally change the game. Thank you Coach Lisa for more inspiration.

    Reply
  13. Miss. Happy
    Miss. Happy says:

    This is confirmation that I’m still on the journey of being honest with myself. I’m still facing all the way down to my core the need to control others, my flaws, imperfections, inside & outside. I’m actively working to continue improving my spiritual, physical & mental state with clear intention to transform becoming the best version of myself. I’m keeping an open-mind about possibilities of how I can live my life with God’s assistance to my fullest potential. I need to enjoy my own company, be enjoyed respected & appreciated by others, loved, and connect with the man who’s single, available, & compatible to me. I can have the love, the life, abundance I desire & totally change the game. Thank you Coach Lisa for more inspiration.

    Reply
  14. Alun
    Alun says:

    I love you Lisa. Thank you so much for your encouraging words. You are indeed a sister in possibilities and prosperity.

    Reply
  15. Pumza
    Pumza says:

    Hi Lisa, this has been a much needed conversation for me. I feel like I’m chasing a moving target when it comes to my happiness, career and the only thing I feel I’m doing right is parenting and that sometimes gets a bit overwhelming. To be honest I have no idea what makes me happy and that’s quite sad. I’ve decided to distance myself from everyone just to be on my own, do me, spend time with me, talk to God, cry when I feel everything is getting too much and then continue with life. I still want to understand where my life is really going because I’m constantly putting off fires and holding my head up high while I’m dying inside.

    Thank you for the platform, I look forward to more.

    Much love

    Reply
    • Mari Larsen
      Mari Larsen says:

      Now I am bawling my eyes out even more, to be reminded we are not alone in such similar thoughts, feelings, struggles-

      Reply
  16. Grace Ntereke
    Grace Ntereke says:

    Thats all true about my life and its big test for me but i am willing to face it.
    Thank you Lisa for the wake up call!!

    Reply
  17. Mari Larsen
    Mari Larsen says:

    Why am I bawling my eyes out right now? (Truth told: this started at the notification email of the “Just what I need RIGHT NOW” type). Tree hugger is now THE TREE! TY- Please know that today’s wisdom will be HEARD all day. What I have needed!

    Reply
  18. Mari Larsen
    Mari Larsen says:

    Why am I bawling my eyes out right now? (Truth told: this started at the notification email of the “Just what I need RIGHT NOW” type). Tree hugger is now THE TREE! TY- Please know that today’s wisdom will be HEARD all day. What I have needed!

    Reply
  19. Busybee
    Busybee says:

    This is the first video I have watched and it was so on point for me especially, the not being true to yourself. I loved the analysis of the 20 story building and the tree during a hurricane. It truly causes you to think again.
    Thank you

    Reply
  20. Olinka Sudan
    Olinka Sudan says:

    Oh my goodness gracious. WATER IS WET!!! I wrote this on a 3X5 card and posted it on my mirror. My girlfriend is a crisis junky and that is who she is, whether I like it or not. Vampires suck blood. WATER IS WET!!!

    Profound

    Reply
  21. Amy
    Amy says:

    What stirred my soul is the courage to embrace my truth, to be not in denial and when you say that the truth is never changing. When you said you could not blame your bank or get mad at them. I was like that. I was scared and avoided opening my mails,.
    Thank you. Lisa. You are a gift from God..

    Reply
  22. Chevette Lindsay Lewis
    Chevette Lindsay Lewis says:

    Wowww. My moment when you said “Our human spirit is waiting for a command”. This speaks to me because yes we were born with whatever gift or talent we need to flourish and live the abundant life. So therefore if we don’t activate and tap into whatever we were .
    created to do. It will become dormant and just die with us..

    Thank you for this…

    Love prosperity and increase.

    Reply
  23. Monika
    Monika says:

    Hi Lisa,

    Love your energy and love your encouragement. That was just the right motivation for starting my day. So good to see you as strong woman in a strong mind. You’re my idol. Thanks for sharing your beautiful heart.

    Reply
  24. Marie-Daphné
    Marie-Daphné says:

    Thanks so much for this reflection Lisa. It reminds me of a man I started dating months after my divorce. The way our souls were aligning was based on a repetitive pattern I didn’t to see because I was longing to be loved. However I found the courage to end it before it destroyed me. I stoop up and analysed the whole situation to realise that it was a reflection of what my previous marriage. It was my opportunity to put it to rest for good and enjoy my freedom as a single parent and self-sufficient woman. At least thiis time I prevented myself from embarking in relationship seeking external validation. I recently met à man with whom I feel free to be myself.

    Reply
  25. Sandra Lawal
    Sandra Lawal says:

    Hello Lisa,
    Every time I watched any of your video, it always rise something inside of me. Thank you for taking the time to share this video with us. It is time to stop lying to myself that I don’t know how to do what I’m destined to do. I’m ready to face my truth and be whom I’m meant to be. Much love from your sister in abundance and prosperity. Thank you for being yourself always

    Reply
  26. Flor Bustos
    Flor Bustos says:

    Lo que me enamora es esa energía incansable de decir estoy acá con vos, creo en vos y no te excluyó, no importa tu cuenta en el banco, en éste tiempo todos estamos con muchos cambios, y muchos fotógrafos entre otros rubros nos vimos reinventandonós, y me di cuenta que al seguir intentando y no darme por vencida, teniendo en crisis todos los aspectos de mi vida, me di cuenta que me amo, q el afuera no determina la grandiosa mujer que soy! Gracias por creer en mi cuando no, siempre yo misma estoy para mí ❤️

    Reply
  27. Alicia Guess
    Alicia Guess says:

    HI Lisa! Inspirational delivery!
    Love you so much all the way back to The Secret! Excited to hear this today- about those
    deep rooted subconscious paradigms and rerun behaviors. No fun to watch re-runs constantly.
    I’ve been working on my health for the last six months and participating with Bob Proctor and the Real Success Group. Will be signing up with Sharon to tackle my lack of financial management knowledge. I’m an artist so I have day dreamer/rose colored glasses on. So hearing “accepting my truth” :loving my truth” even if its messy .was right on time. thank you thank you thank you
    Hugs and Love you too Lisa
    Palm Beach, Florida
    Alicia

    Reply
  28. Phoenix
    Phoenix says:

    Hi Lisa, et al.,

    I appreciated hearing, “YOU define your success!” I know these things, and soemtimes I forget. I really appreciate the reminder. It helps so much. The other things I appreciated hearing you say is, “It’s your birthright to have abundance… Abundance is still your birthright. Joy is still your birthright.” Feels like socks out of the dryer, chile. Thanks again so much! – Phoenix

    Reply
  29. Bernice
    Bernice says:

    Hello Lisa.
    Thank you so much for this message. It is so on time for me. I have lied to myself long enough. I need the courage offered and to be able to do whatever needs to be done to correct me. Starting today is helpful.
    Thanks again. Keep posting. You help me to be true to self.

    Reply
  30. Grace Kimani
    Grace Kimani says:

    Hi Lisa,

    My break Out Loud was to know that the universe is waiting for my direction and it is asking mmmm…. where are we going next?Wow

    Reply
  31. Crystal
    Crystal says:

    Hi Lisa!

    I truly needed this message today! I am ready to embrace my divine purpose. The ah ha moment for me was when you spoke of how the roots of a tree can protect it from hurricanes. I have ran so much in life, I haven’t allow my self to stand still long enough to develop roots. In 2019 I moved from Detroit Michigan to Dallas Texas. I never lived outside of Michigan; had no clue that one day I would pack up and move 2k miles away from home. This has been one of the most courageous things I’ve done in life and the scariest one also.
    However, I must admit, moving has ignited an unshakable faith in me that was difficult to tap into before making this transition.
    Responding to this email is something I would never have done in the past. I had created a safe little bubble for myself and nothing was getting in and nothing was leaving out. I now realize the placed that seemed so safe for so many years was also the place that hindered my ability to walk in purpose.

    Today I embrace the fear of failure and I embrace the fear of the unknown.

    Thank you so kindly for todays message 🙂

    Reply
  32. Engr Md Hafizul Islam
    Engr Md Hafizul Islam says:

    HI Lisa! thank you madam, This is certainly an Inspirational speech! with enthusiasm and bold -a confidence-building lovely delivery
    I Like your strong bold sparkling speech so much, all the way back to The Secret and more! Excited and eager to hear this today- about those
    deep rooted subconscious paradigms and rerun human behaviors for resilience- the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.-and regain strength again and again—————continuing to regain——————–. Best regards, waiting to hear more–

    Reply
  33. Engr Md Hafizul Islam
    Engr Md Hafizul Islam says:

    HI Lisa! thank you madam, This is certainly bold speech! with enthusiasm and bold -a confidence-building lovely delivery
    I Like your strong bold sparkling speech so much, all the way back to The Secret and more! Excited and eager to hear this today- about those
    deep rooted subconscious paradigms and rerun human behaviors for resilience- the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.-and regain strength again and again—————continuing to regain——————–. Best regards, waiting to hear more–

    Reply
  34. Engr Md Hafizul Islam
    Engr Md Hafizul Islam says:

    HI Lisa! thank you madam, This is certainly bold speech! with enthusiasm and bold -a confidence-building lovely delivery
    I Like your strong bold sparkling speech
    deep rooted subconscious paradigms and rerun human behaviors for resilience- the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.-and regain strength again and again—————continuing to regain——————–. Best regards, waiting to hear more–

    Reply
  35. Rosesha Frederick
    Rosesha Frederick says:

    What stood out to me is the truth and how you compared to water is wet, because bits the truth. Sometimes you just have to come to terms with what is true and what you can do about it.

    Reply
  36. Shannon
    Shannon says:

    What really spoke to me was that a hurricane will knock a building down faster than a tree, because a tree has roots. That really stuck with me and offered validation as I have experienced trauma and I’m still motivated to grow, evolve and love. Even after being in a bad accident and totaling my car, although I was exhausted and wanted to give up, but that will and can are steady, and keep standing. When you mention it, I begin to sing,” just like the tree that’s planted by the waters… I shall not be moved.” Thank You!

    Reply
  37. Hudson Robinson
    Hudson Robinson says:

    Root to Rise is my breakout moment. I cannot be a building in my life hurricane, I am a well-rooted oak tree just like the one at the back of my home that I watch swaying joyfully with the strong, stormy wind.
    Thank you for reminding me to always stay grounded with peacefulness and gratitude.

    Reply
  38. Charlynn
    Charlynn says:

    Lisa, thank you so much for sharing. I am at the beginning of a new journey of building boundaries and taking care of myself. I had to accept some hard truths and I put myself down for them but no more. Also for as long as I can remember I defined/measured my success based on my relative’s success. Thank you for reminding me I create my own success.

    Reply
  39. Rachel
    Rachel says:

    After some serious soul searching and deep spiritual renewal I am ready to jump start my motivational speaking! Thank you for the reminder that we are perfect right where we are! No blame game just a realization and a restart!

    Reply

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