3 Tips for Putting Yourself First

You know one of my favorite things to do is to create content based on your comments and answer questions from our amazing tribe of gladiators, unicorns and change agents.

Recently, I came across this delicious question from one of our beautiful sisters:

“Lisa, you helped me realize that my cup needs to be full in order to have an amazing relationship with others. Can you give me some insight on exactly how to fill my own cup?”

Now, this is one of my favorite topics and an area I constantly have to focus on. Just when I think I have mastered it, I look up and need to turn around and focus on it again. Because life happens, right?

I know firsthand that when you move from putting yourself LAST in line to FIRST in line, you become in sync with yourself and can serve others from your overflow.

So, for this week’s blog, I’m sharing my top 3 tips to put yourself first and fill your own cup!

#1 — Center Yourself into Stillness

That may be easier said than done, but it is so worth it. When you center yourself in stillness, you can start to fall into a place of gratitude. A place to be grateful for the opportunity to be in demand, to have a full schedule, and to be someone that others can come to instead of being in a place of “I gotta do this and do that.”

Now. I know if you are a mover and shaker and a doer like I am, this can feel like it’s not productive. But the reality is when you get into movement, you want to make sure you’re moving from a place of groundedness. Most importantly, you’re moving from a place of gratitude because gratitude gives you energy. And when you’re serving everyone else, energy is what you need.

Gratitude is the soil for all good things.

#2 – Give Yourself Permission to Fill your Own Tank

Repeat these words. “I give myself permission to fill my own tank first.” Say it again. “I give myself permission to fill my own tank.”

Remember, self-care is your responsibility. Self-care is not selfish. So what does filling your tank mean? What does it look like to you? Create a list and then give yourself permission to do one, two, maybe even three things a day just for you. For me, it is taking a bath with bubbles and a cup of tea. A conversation with my son who brings me joy. What are those things for you? Is it a walk? Is it some music? Quiet time? Is it reading a book? Is it a long bath? Is it working out? Whatever those things are, make a short list and then give yourself permission to do them.

#3 – Maintain Healthy Boundaries

When I say boundaries, the first thing people usually think of is to tell people to stop or push people away. But that is not the case. It is recognizing there is power in saying “No” and a “No” can be a dignified answer. No can be a “Not right now” or “My plate is currently full” or a “That doesn’t work for me.” As long as a “No” maintains your dignity and maintains someone else’s dignity, is a healthy “No.”

When you set boundaries, all of a sudden you’re opening up space for yourself because when you say “No” to something, you’re saying “Yes” to something else. When you say “No” to going out in the evening because you’re tired, you’re actually saying “Yes” to getting more rest.

When you say “No” to being able to handle someone else’s problem or their challenge, you’re saying “Yes” to spending more time for what you need.

Saying “No” has always been something that I’ve had to work on. In recent years I’ve gotten much, much better at it because I recognize that when I say “No,” I have more space for other things that I need to do. Recently, I had a challenge in my life where a family member got really sick. And I had to say “No” a lot. I mean, a lot. “No” to almost everything that wasn’t focused on my dear family member getting better. And I thought in my head, everything was going to fall apart because I said “No” to so many things. What happened was the people around me rose up to the occasion. They managed exactly what needed to be managed. And I had the freedom of mind space to just pray, have faith and sit at the hospital bedside with my family.

Maintaining healthy boundaries can really be the first step for you to recognize that other people want to rise up to the occasion FOR YOU. Boundaries give you space for healing, looking at your own life, pressing reset, and creating space to reflect.

Now I could give you a list of 10 tips, but none of the other seven matter until you started with these three. So to sum it up: Number one, center yourself in stillness and fall into a state of gratitude for your calling to serve others. Number two, give yourself permission to fill your own tank and create a list of ways to do that for yourself. And three, be very comfortable with maintaining healthy boundaries, and recognize that your “No” to one thing is “Yes” to something else that you need right now.

Remember, this show is not a monologue. It’s a dialogue and I want to hear from you. So please comment below and let me know your AHA moment. Was this episode a good reminder of something you already knew? What are you going to take action on today?

I love, love, love reading your comments and questions and who knows…your question may end up being the topic of a future episode! Be sure to use the hashtag #LISAANSWERS.

Remember, this is your home. We are your tribe. And every time that I say I love you and I believe in you, it’s because I truly do.

Your Sister in Prosperity and Possibility,

Lisa

37 replies
    • Erica
      Erica says:

      Hi lisa i discovered you a few days ago I’m from argentina,you really sound like so many minds ,I mean the inner dialogue Wich most of the time we don’t know how to unleash to be really ourselves, I’m glad I found you and I’m trying to learn everything you post, and it’s so fascinating!

      Reply
  1. Mary Griffin
    Mary Griffin says:

    Fill your cup is great but what happens when your care giving, all things to all people ends and you are left with “what do I want”?

    Reply
    • Charlynn Doumbia
      Charlynn Doumbia says:

      oh my goodness Mary, I am at the same place. I remember I wanted to accomplish so much and now that I am focusing on me..I have no idea what I want to do.

      Reply
  2. Patricia S Moore
    Patricia S Moore says:

    All of the tips for putting myself first spoke to me. However, #3 screamed and resonated the most. I feel like a time is coming soon where I need to exercise my “no” or “not right now anyway” with a family member without feeling quilty… knowing I”m not a selfish person and be okay with it. Also holding the space in consciousness for their success. Thank you Lisa, this was right on time!

    Reply
  3. Valerie
    Valerie says:

    What resonates with me is that I need to do more stillness. Right now I only do stillness occasionally. Now I will do it everyday. #lisaanswers- I struggle with procrastination and I need to know how to finally conquer this

    Reply
  4. Tracy B.
    Tracy B. says:

    Idea for Future Talk: How Learn To Say “No” With A Yes Yes?! It’s a boundary thing yet would love key phrases and higher perspectives, So, for example, if you inadvertently committed to too much or a sweet invitation was extended yet it’s not right for you? Or it’s your job to help yet you conclude resources are best spent elsewhere 😀

    Reply
  5. Ionie
    Ionie says:

    #LisaAnswers

    Thanks, Lisa, for your awesome tips. I learned that taking time for self-care is not being selfish. I no longer ignore the tugging when I have to fill my tank. I try not to feel guilty when I have to say, No!” I maintain healthy boundaries for my psychological well-being. Your tips are on my list of ‘non-negotiables.’ Thank you for taking the time to make these posts. You look lovely! Take care.

    Reply
  6. Christine Locke
    Christine Locke says:

    It’s so interesting that I came across this email as I’m in a place of where all 3 are very relevant to my life. I’ve been home recovering for the past 6 weeks from being diagnosed with Breast Cancer. I’m the mover and shaker for my job and for some aspects in my family. But I recognize that I must adjust some things in my life in order for me to become what God planned. This season has me being still, resting and I believe God will reveal his plan for my LIFE! Thank you for sending this rejuvenating message!

    Reply
  7. Ritu Saluja
    Ritu Saluja says:

    For a person who has been giving all their life , suddenly taking time to fill their own cup becomes unbearable for others. They are ridiculed , caled out for irresponsibility, when they say no. How to steel yourself from that affecting you. Saying NO is easy, Its the next step that is hard!

    Reply
  8. Alphonse
    Alphonse says:

    Tip no.3 resonates well with me. I have always felt uncomfortable saying no to people I care about:- family, friends, and those I interact with frequently. Now I realize where I was losing my energy flow. Your 3 tips will create a better me. Thanks Lisa

    Reply
  9. Emily
    Emily says:

    This is such an important topic & I needed to hear this right now as a reminder! Do you have tips for those in service/helping professions where we give so much & can get easily drained? Tips for finding balance when in environments that can be draining/exhausting (such as workplace where staffing issues/shortages/people not pulling their weight)? Thanks!!

    Reply
  10. Michelle
    Michelle says:

    The stillness has become more enjoyable for me. I need to work on boundaries especially with my family. Self care is so important. If I don’t take care of me who will?

    Reply
  11. Florida Williams
    Florida Williams says:

    Thank you so much for your help. I will use these tips to help me navigate my day to day. Since I’ve been sick a lot of people are not around so I guess it’s a good time for me to fill up my cup and learn self love and self worth. Lisa you are amazing.

    Reply
  12. Tina
    Tina says:

    Just what I needed to hear right now. feeling exhausted and burnt out.

    #Lisaanswers
    How do I teach myself to trust my instincts more? To recognize what my gut is telling me and to follow what it is telling me?

    Reply
  13. April
    April says:

    How can I maintain when something I so believe in turn sour how can I make myself feel good about my goal my dream if i can’t get the good the resting point where I can be able to say yes I did I’m a person that believes in the impossible what made you keep going?#lisaanwer

    Reply
  14. Kate Bellosillo
    Kate Bellosillo says:

    Dear Lisa,

    I love what you said about center yourself in stillness. You are right, in silence and solitude our souls are refreshed and renewed, creativity and inspiration flow.

    Reply
  15. Petra
    Petra says:

    Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge with us. I need to learn to stop feeling guilty when taking time out to fill up my tank. It is a constant battle for me.

    Reply
  16. Michele Edwards
    Michele Edwards says:

    Hi Lisa, although I’ve been, virtually sitting at your feet for almost a year, this is the first time I’ve commented on a segment. My best friend Chris, told me about you, because she saw many similarities in our lives, when it comes to destined for greatness,but sometimes forgetting that,when your looking at your current circumstances. She transitioned in January and, I’ve been in a Ruth ever since. I’m greatful, ever soo very greatful, she introduced me to you.. I too am a people pleaser, need to be needed, born to serve, and be a life giving, life changing gladiator in ministry….(worship leader), career, and family. I’ve recently separated from my wife of 9 years, the ABSOLUTE hardest thing I ever had to do. Yes, it’s been liberating, but the guilt, and loneliness, isolation, has been overwhelming, til all I do is work. I’m an extrovert also, so at work, I’m flourishing, and needed, and giving, talking, learning…..ect. Didn’t mean for this to be so long. Just stopped by to say thank you Lisa, for this segment, which helped me know, it’s ok to give my self permission to say no, and to fill my own tank first.. I’ve lost some friends in this separation, so it’s hard to find alternate ways to fill that void, because I’m a people person. I WILL THOUGH, BECAUSE I’M DESTINED FOR GREATNESS.

    Reply
  17. Millie
    Millie says:

    Hi Lisa,
    Its MillieJames.
    Thank you so very much for all your correspondence. I can’t tell you which one has motivated me most. My AHAH moment on this one, is allowing myself to say “NO”, because when I say no to something, it is because i need that space to say yes to something else.

    Reply
  18. Angel Manlapaz
    Angel Manlapaz says:

    Hi!Lisa I’m Angel I realized I’ve been people pleasing for such a long long time and totally forgot about setting boundaries. But 2 years ago I started to hibernate I thought I was having depression but I now realized it’s just about centering my self and just being still for me to be clear I had to partially or totally eliminate many things and even people and some relatives who doesn’t help or support me in my journey to reach my dreams. I had to say no to so many things to get clarity of what I want and who I want to be in my circle. I had to value my self. I realized people pleasing sucks. I was born to please God and not people. It’s such a nice feeling to be centered and know who you really are ,what you really really want and what in the world are you here for. It also feels so liberating to have healthy boundaries to stand your ground to say no to things and people that doesn’t really serve you and say yes to activities and people aligned to your highest purpose. It takes a lot of practice to say NO. The chains of oppression, depression, people pleasing has been broken. Thank God. Now I’m in the process of getting my cup full. Thanks so much Lisa for your wonderful insights and inspiration I truly resonate with you. I’m getting back my woman power. I found my authentic self,my self worth and now ready to shine my light to the world. I’m a solo parent with a child with mental health challenge. My purpose is connected to my greatest pain and challenge. Until you learn to interconnect the dots you will never have clarity of purpose. I was born to be a Life Coach just like you Lisa got a great story to tell. Lisa,you are God’s gift to the world and so am I. Thanks for your great insights that touches and empowers other people’s lives.

    Reply
  19. Anycha
    Anycha says:

    Hi Lisa,

    I’ve been battling with quite a lot. Last year I was diagnosed with a rare life-threatening syndrome, had Covid19 2 months ago, God, Jehovah Rapha deserves all the praise. Of late, I am selfish with my time, I simply just block out everything to get to my centre. Thank you for sharing. Self-care is an absolute necessity!

    Reply
  20. Saveda Beswick
    Saveda Beswick says:

    OMG! This was awesome & just what a sister girl needed to hear. I know this was nobody but my father reminding me. I am so excited to know that I can take self-care of myself and be Godly selfish about it so I can give from the overflow. Yasssss Lord….

    Reply
  21. KB
    KB says:

    This is great. There are so many serious things to tend to in my life. I need to take care of myself first and guard my mental well being. I am doing everything in my power to help others, but I need to take time for myself through these difficult and tragic moments.

    You have great tips on speaking, and others will definitely benefit from your videos, etc.

    Reply
  22. Eva
    Eva says:

    Thank you so much Lisa for your help !
    I was looking for inspirations and your vidéo show up on m’y YouTube page. I decided to watch your vidéo and its was Just Wow and now, I need more of them ! I agree to take café of me first !
    May God continue to bless you Endeed !

    Reply

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