3 Tips to Find Happiness

One of the questions I get asked often is, “Lisa, how do I find happiness?”

We all want to be happy, right? But what I’ve discovered is that there is a misconception about happiness. Most people seem to have this idea that happiness is a destination. That you arrive at happiness. And once you get there, you are NEVER gonna leave.

You see…what many people don’t realize is that happiness ebbs and flows. Happiness today will look very different than happiness did three years ago or three years from now. Happiness EXPANDS and CONTRACTS. Happiness is something you bring INTO a room, not what you search for a room to GIVE you.

What I love about happiness is that it’s something that you can carry with you…it’s like a light. And what I’ve learned is you carry your own storage of happiness that ONLY YOU are responsible for.

I invite you to dive in with me as I share my top 3 tips for finding happiness that involve ACCOUNTABILITY, AUTHENTICITY and HONESTY.

#1 – Accountability. The most important thing you need to understand is the myth about happiness. Whether it is a parent/child relationship, a romantic relationship or a friendship, someone else CANNOT make you happy. That responsibility falls SOLELY and EXCLUSIVELY on your own shoulders. The other person may add to your happiness or challenge it at times. But ultimately, happiness is up to you. And like most things in life, it helps to get an accountability partner. Choosing someone in your life to hold you accountable to being the person that you wish to become is a powerful tool in the happiness department. Choose someone who’ll remind you of your declaration to yourself and to the people who come across your path.

#2 – Authenticity. It took me a while to realize how much authenticity and living my truth had to do with my happiness. And I mean the happiness that you experience in the dark of the night when nobody else is around. Not the happiness that shows up in the middle of the day where you put on a “happy face.” We all know that kind of happiness…where people say they are happy, but on the inside, they are a ticking time bomb. The inauthentic kind of happiness where you wear a fake smile on your face for everyone else. Not for you. That kind of happiness says, “I don’t trust you to be able to handle my truth.”

I believe authentic happiness is being able to say what you need to say. Do what you need to do. Become the person you have always known yourself to be. Real happiness is not dimming your light because you’re worried someone else can’t handle your light.  Authentic happiness is showing up and standing as tall as you can stand. It’s allowing your greatness to enter the room. It’s also owning your shadows—the dark part of you that you can look at and say, “I sure wish you were not there, but since you are, I’m going to deal with you authentically. Happiness lives inside of authenticity.

#3 – Honesty. Are you honest with those around you?  Honesty lives in the same space as authenticity, but the honesty I’m referring to is the willingness to share with people who need you to share with them. It’s the willingness to tell people what they need to hear and hold them to their greatness. It’s the willingness to remind them they are not playing as big as they could be playing. It’s drawing a healthy line in the sand. It’s recognizing that if someone keeps crossing your line or your boundaries, it might not be because they are being rude or disrespectful. It might be because your line isn’t deep enough or bold enough.

Can you be honest enough to say, “Hold on. I’ve trained you to believe that I can handle everything, and I don’t need to hear any acknowledgement. Turns out I really do need to hear those words.” Or, “I do need to have my own space.” It’s being able to say, “I love you” or “I need you” or “I apologize” or “I got caught up in my ego.”

I wish I could tell you there is a magic formula for happiness. But what I DO KNOW is when you find another giant to hold you accountable; when you are authentic; and when you are honest with yourself and with those around you, you’ll feel like someone sprinkled an extra dose of happiness across your life.

I’d love for you to share with me in the comments which part of this topic really hit home for youWhat did I shake up in you today? What was the big #AHA that came up in this episode? Did you say to yourself, “Hold on…I need to own my happiness more?” 

Thank you for sharing this space with me. I can say with 100% honesty and authenticity that I believe in you and I love you. I truly do.

Your Sister in Prosperity and Possibility,

30 replies
  1. Akia G.
    Akia G. says:

    #YANA Co-Vid is isolating me down to the bare essentials. I haven’t had this much free time since before preschool ! Lisa and MTM Fam, I love you all too. I am getting to know myself again, asking lots of questions about my past and generating ideas for my future, while remaining present and sober from alcohol. Amen?

  2. Anhlan Nguyen
    Anhlan Nguyen says:

    Thank you Lisa for this great piece of wisdom. I am working on delivering a speech on G.R.A.C.E. (Gratitude – Respect – Accountability – Courage – Engagement) for 60 teenagers in Vietnam and this speaks a lot to the content I have. Happiness is truly a choice and we can choose to become a light you bring to the world! Thank you for your powerful words!

  3. Deborah Carpenter
    Deborah Carpenter says:

    What a confirmation! I have been doing the necessary work to “BE HAPPY” and I am on track. It’s not an easy journey, when even for example, your Aunt sees you and her comment is “make sureyoulook decent” when you go to thatdinner tonight. And you realizethat decades of those subtle (and not so subtle) comments have seeped into your spirit, and….

    I have been doing work and I am well on my way to happiness.

  4. bonita
    bonita says:

    B O L – That I have to set my own temperament and be authentic. Be happy everyday,all day,even when no one is looking.. It seems that I tend to loose happiness everytime when I feel someone does not approve of me…ITS EXHAUSTING!!!!! I will make work of this as I am the only on responsible for my joy. Thank you Lisa.
    Appreciate your love

  5. Sean Palmer
    Sean Palmer says:

    Happiness is such a fleeting concept in the light of today’s society. Your whole message has touched a sense of truth (self) within me that hasn’t seen the light of day for a while. I scream on the inside to be completely honest with everybody and for them to do the same for me… but I am afraid of what that honesty will do to how people will treat me. I am alone so much now, I just don’t want to alienate myself any further.

  6. Mahlatse Maila
    Mahlatse Maila says:

    Taking responsibility for your own happiness, no one is responsible for your own happiness … be happy in the dark AND have the honesty to people around you. SET THOSE BOUNDARIES

  7. Selena Brown
    Selena Brown says:

    BOL. Take responsibility of my own happiness set boundaries and it’s OK when you walk in the room and you light it up. 2. Be honest with myself stop pretending. 3. Except myself as the beautiful woman that I am in stop one worrying about what t others think of me. Thank you Lisa

  8. Terry Taylor
    Terry Taylor says:

    I really enjoy these messages. They help pick me up and try again. I am going to meditate my being accountable for my happiness. Thanks again.

  9. ibrahim
    ibrahim says:

    Authenticity, absolutely, is the key to happiness. When you don’t lay a lie over a lie and a lie, hiding the truth of your situation or circumstance, your mind will be at rest. Facing things the way they are and living your truth, as Aunt Lisa says, is one way of finding and keeping your happiness. So much appreciate hearing you say it. Thanks!

  10. Patricia Gordon
    Patricia Gordon says:

    Powerful and profound. Yes! I need to take a break from my drama queen girlfriend. BOL! Acknowledge and deal with my shadow.

  11. Ernest B Abdullah
    Ernest B Abdullah says:

    You have never disappoint me. You always reach a sweet spot in me. My love has identified with your beauty physically and initially spiritually. You are my idol. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

  12. Ophelia J Murray
    Ophelia J Murray says:

    My #BOL was step 2 – authenticity. I’ve been struggling over the last week and half over the opinions of others at work, in particular my trainer. I realized that the reason I was in so much distress was because I wasn’t being myself. I was trying to fit into the mold that everyone else seemed to fit into, when actually I am not like everyone else. Once I said to myself, “the h— with it, I am who I am” I have been feeling much better and a lot happier.

  13. Wendy Silvani
    Wendy Silvani says:

    Thank you for reminding me that happiness is not a ‘destination’ and articulating about how honesty and authenticity contribute so much to happiness.

  14. Nicolet
    Nicolet says:

    This is B.O.L stepping into my authentic presence. I don’t have to pretend that the sky is blue, when it’s actually gray and dull. But the reality is I can have sunshine on a cloudy day.

  15. Merle Shymanski
    Merle Shymanski says:

    Lisa, Lisa, Lisa thank you for shedding light on a recent practice that is very motivating to me. I have been telling myself (in recent days) what to do with an assignment followed by agreeing personally with what I told myself. Lisa, that practice fits into your teaching “What is my declaration to myself?” The agreement with myself motivates me to keep my word to myself. I feel if I cannot keep my word to myself then I am not truly supporting myself. Lisa, it’s indeed my responsibility to declare and agree with my intent. Merle

  16. Diane
    Diane says:

    Thank you beautiful sister. Authenticity rings so true for me and it is a golden nugget. I have held back with it and sometimes now but know that is not who I am. Using with confrontation and honesty is powerful and works like magic. God Bless and all the best Lisa.

  17. Phyllis Oladipupo
    Phyllis Oladipupo says:

    Lisa I want to thank you. I thank you for the message of happiness today. I was nicotine free for 9 years became severely stressed and relasped last year due to the loss of a loved one.

    I was happier & healthier without nicotine in my life. I AM working on releasing the addiction again but this time connecting it all to my mental & emotional health and am asking my husband, daughters and YOU beloved to hold me accountable as I’m being authentic, honest and moving towards a more elevated life.

    Love Phyllis- Chicago

  18. Victoria R.
    Victoria R. says:

    Thanks Lise, that was a #BOL moment. I truly want my authenticity. I have been holding back my truth for a long time. Giving other people the responsibility for my happiness. Well no more! I’m going to say what I mean and mean what I say! I am responsible for my own happiness. In my relationships, my marriage, my spirit and in my future! You have awaken me Lise with this message. Thanks again. Love always.

  19. jacqueline lee
    jacqueline lee says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this wonderful video. #B.O.L breakthrough out loud indeed. I am responsible for my own happiness and those that come into my life are just to bring joy amen sister. I have to be honest sometimes that smile is on strong when deep within there are some pressure points that need to be dealt with. The best thing I found to do is to get away from everyone cut off phone and deal with those pressures within to be authentic with the happiness. This getaway includes long walks with Jesus!!

  20. Darnell Osborne
    Darnell Osborne says:

    BOL…. thank you Lisa for the encouraging words especially about Authenticity and Honesty…. two characteristics of mine that I sometimes felt like I had to apologize for in this fake, corrupt world.❤️❤️

  21. JERRIE
    JERRIE says:

    #BOL. … I have been looking for happiness for 50 years. I now know that I cannot find it in someone else. It’s inside of me. I will stop dimming my light suffocating who I really am just so I wont outshine who I stand beside. I will honest of who I am to myself. Holding myself accountable for my true happiness. I will not be afraid to fail or afraid of what others perception of me entails… its none of my business! Thank you Lisa, I love You!

  22. Tegan
    Tegan says:

    BOL- Being authentic about what I need and where I am. Sharing where my line in the sand is helps me stay true to who I am and live life how I need to, to give my best.
    Thanks so much Lisa for your show. It speaks life every time I hear it.

  23. China
    China says:

    My total fave from grandma is”What somebody else thinks of me is none of my business!” That is freeing! What matters is my self talk and what my Creator thinks of me.

  24. Rhoda Arrindell
    Rhoda Arrindell says:

    I tuned in tonight because I needed a healthy dose of Lisa Nichols. I’ve been on a really challenging journey this past year, and I hunted until I found your program a few months ago, when I was stuck away from home and family and loved ones due to COVID. Your program, along with a few others, helped me through some dark times, and I’m learning to reclaim myself. I managed to finally make it home about a month ago, and I’ve been on the move trying to put my life and finances in order….Not wanting to regress too much, today all I could think of was how much I need to hear Lisa Nichols. Going to spend my weekend binging on all things Lisa Nichols I can access. Thank you for showing up for me.

  25. Simone
    Simone says:

    #BOL. Thanks Lisa!
    As a generally happy person I have a right to keep my head up even when I am feeling bleak or sad. Afterall, no one is “on” all the time. I don’t have to hide my ‘sad side’ in my closet!


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